What Would the Men Think?
by Alenor Peredhel
Summary: Oneshot. Sequel to What Would Elizabeth Think? Only this time, its the men who have their say about the JackElizabeth stories. Again with a modern twist. AGAIN, I will say, I have no intention on mocking those stories that portay Jack with Elizabeth.


Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, simple as that.

A/N: I would like to point out again, as I did with the Prequel to this story that **I am not trying to make fun of any Jack/Elizabeth stories**. This is merely my opinion on the whole matter. If you find it offensive don't read. Other then that, ENJOY.

What Would the Men Think?

"You stole Elizabeth from me!"

"I stole nothing! If ye weren't a bloody Eunuch you could 'ave kept her."

"We should damn you back to hell!"

This, for a moment seemed to stupefy Jack, as he leaned away, staring at the wooden spoon currently held prisoner in his hand. His eyebrows lifted briefly as he eyed Will, who was currently hogging the other side of the table and holding the meat cleaver. He seemed, unable to respond.

Triumphant, feeling that he had finally won against something, Will eased back, lowering his weapon. A smug smile trailed across his face. "And who are you calling an Eunuch? I don't see you in Elizabeth's bed anymore." He realized the mistake in his words, as a horrible, gut-wrenching stab of guilt hit home. _Damn, really Will. You would have thought after the woman beat you back with a parasol and personally stomped on your life that you would hate her! But _no _I just have to continue…._

Well the thought, and personal attack on his self, couldn't continue, as Jack, outraged at Will's comment threw himself across the table, aiming wildly with the wooden spoon.

Startled, Will, received a sharp smack to his arm that had Jack howling in victory, before he pounced away, brandishing the meat cleaver threateningly. "Back boy! Back!"

"I'm not a dog!" Jack snarled, as he slid back across the table. He was grinning, teeth flashing, immensely proud that he had snuck in the first physical blow. "Besides ye cheat."

"I'm a Pirate," Will replied flippantly.

Jack tilted his head. "I thought I was the Pirate."

"You're just the Eunuch."

Breathing heavily, Jack tipped back, spreading his arms. "Ye're repeating yerself Will. You run out of good comebacks already?"

"I got the meat cleaver! And I'm…."

"Not afraid to use it?" Jack finished. He yawned. "Ye wouldn't know one end of that thing from the other."

"Sure I do!" Will protested, he looked down. "This end here…it's the….the…"

"That's not what I meant!" Jack exploded, gesturing with his wooden spoon. "Anyway, while ye're on that side of the table and I'm on this side of the table, lets talk sense. Cause really, how can ye talk sense with a sword? Or in this case a wooden spoon. Not that you could talk sense anyway Will. Really Eunuch's have that problem. I'm quite sure that's why Elizabeth left you. But ah sense! See you need a man of my incredible powers to explain such a word."

Baffled Will lowered the meat cleaver. "That was not sense."

"_You're_ not making any sense, mate."

Will blinked then let out an outraged cry as he realized that Jack had simply walked around the table and was now facing him. "Get back!" Wildly he swung with the meat cleaver. "Back I say! Back!"

Jack's eyes widened, as he watched with increasing panic as his only weapon fell into pieces on the floor. "You cheat!"

"I'm a pirate," Will shot back.

Seeing he was in danger of losing his fingers, Jack released what was left of his weapon and pride and retreated back to the other side of the table. "Well maybe I shouldn't have visited!"

"You just wanted the Rum!"

"Aye Rum!" Jack paused…and a serious thinking light popped into his eyes…. "No not rum! Elizabeth!"

"Why you!" Will tossed the meat cleaver, and felt an alarmingly dissatisfaction rise in him as the only thing he caught was the Captain's tri-cornered hat.

"How dare you!" Jack exclaimed, looking at his hat, quivering from a blue kitchen wall. "That was me hat!"

"It looked ugly," Will sneered.

Jack crossed his arms, his heavily outlined eyes narrowed. "War."

Will braced himself, bringing his fists up. "Girls first."

"Boys!"

Startled by the outburst Jack and Will whirled around to meet the terrified and flushed face of Weatherby Swann.

"Mr. Swann…" Will stuttered, looking at the disarrayed kitchen.

Cupboards had been smashed open, drawers littered the floor, their contents strewed about in shining silver masses. Chairs were shattered and scattered like hidden traps to the unwary who might step on them. The sink, whose plug had been inserted was currently making a swimming pool of both counter and floor.

_So that's why the floor was getting so slippery_, Will mused, eying Jack. Seeing the similar dumfounded look, he assumed the pirate Captain had also forgotten about the state of the room.

"I was just showing Jack the finer points of fighting!"

"Aye! Fighting!" Jack gestured with his hands. "And Rum!"

Weatherby narrowed his eyes, not believing a word he had just heard. He was tempted to turn off the tap, but thought it wise that he remain in the doorway that led to the living room and then to the outside. After his experiences with Elizabeth, a quick escape route was the smartest option.

"What is it Mr. Swann?"

Shaking himself clear from the mental planning of escape routes, Weatherby straightened. "I have to ask a favor. Elizabeth…" He got no further.

"Elizabeth!" Both arguing men shouted it at the same time, eyes sliding towards one another; hate warring in their eyes.

"She's mine," Will hissed. "Stand back!"

"Mine!" Jack proclaimed, changing his voice to an eerily high pitched sing-song tone. "_You're_ not the one everyone's writing about in their Fanfics. Its me and Lizzy!"

"Elizabeth!" Will screamed, clenching his fists. "Its Elizabeth." He sidled closer to his opponent. "And people are blind! Its obvious she is meant for me!"

Weatherby felt himself grow faint, felt his heart rate soar. Weakly he clutched the doorframe, as he struggled to stand. No! This couldn't be happening! Not them too!

"Lizzy!" Jack exclaimed happily dancing from Will's poorly aimed punches. "She kissed _me!_"

"She kissed me too!" Will interrupted hotly. He felt a glow of pleasure as he landed a fist in Jack's stomach. Felt even more pleasure as he watched the man bend over gasping for air.

Scowling Jack straightened and attacked back. His swagger, so attached to his character was strangely absent. He felt his own glow as he watched a hidden piece of slippery wood upend Will. He cackled as the former blacksmith landed ungracefully on his behind.

"Enough! Enough!" Weatherby panted. "This isn't happening! You must…" he trailed off, paling further as the grown men suddenly launched themselves at each other.

A snarling brawl erupted, cutlery was disturbed from its original shiny piles and shifted to new gleaming territory. Discarded drawers bashed to together and splintered as Jack and Will rolled atop them. They were screaming, kicking, punching, insults erupting from their mouths. And it was all about Elizabeth.

Unable to take it any longer Weatherby fled. He needed to get away. How could this be happening? First Elizabeth, now Jack and Will. _Somebody help! Everyone's going insane!_ He thought desperately, as he ran for the nearest airport that would get him somewhere safe. He needed to get away before the madness claimed him too.

On the floor, neither Jack nor Will noticed the hasty departure, nor the water that was slowly creeping towards the living area.

_Funny thing is,_ Jack thought to himself, as he ducked a blow. _I don't even know why I'm fighting. I don't even like Elizabeth! She fed me to the Kraken!….Wait! _They, _the fanfic people put us together and I'm fighting to keep it that way?…AGH! What's wrong with me! What did they put in my rum!…_

At the same time Will was thinking identical thoughts, or nearly, _Why am I fighting Jack? Everyone _knows _he's a pirate. And pirate's can't have feelings. So _obviously_ Elizabeth likes me better! Maybe this will prove it! …Yes that's it! I'll show up at her place tomorrow, bloody and with torn clothes and tell her that I was fighting for her dignity!…_

Neither men had time to further their thoughts, as they both realized abruptly, that they were fighting for no reason. Pulling away from each other they wiped the blood from their faces and breathed heavily. Identical gleams of hatred entered their eyes.

"_Fanfic Authors_," they spat out as one, and glaring, sliding across the dangerously wet floor they both lunged toward the computer sitting in the living room. Had the computer a face, and feelings, it would have blanched and ran screaming in terror.


End file.
